Onslaught (2026)
Official Synopsis
After a rogue team of genetically engineered super soldiers escapes into the desert, an Army sniper fights to protect her daughter from the deadly squad.
William’s Review
I was excited for Onslaught because everything about it sounded like the kind of movie that should be an easy win for me. Super soldiers, a trailer park, tons of blood, Adam Wingard, Dan Stevens, and a setup that looked like it was going to be a ridiculous action horror movie. It is all of those things on paper, but I kept waiting for it to become fun.
The biggest issue is how repetitive the action starts to feel. The super soldiers look cool, especially with the glowing eyes, but once they start attacking they stop feeling like soldiers. They split up, regroup, stand at the end of the park looking menacing, and then slowly walk toward whoever they are chasing. At some point I realized I was basically watching three Michael Myers instead of three elite military weapons. That could still be entertaining, but the movie repeats the setup enough that I started noticing the mechanics instead of getting caught up in the action.
That same problem carries over to the Grindhouse style. Almost every character, costume choice, performance, musical cue, and violent moment feels turned up to 15. Sometimes that kind of excess is exactly what I want, but here it often felt like the movie was trying so hard to look wild that the fun got buried underneath it. Dan Stevens is a perfect example. I think he plays the character exactly the way the movie wants him to, but the aging makeup kept pulling me out of every scene. The liver spots on his hands are more convincing than his face, while the bald cap, giant mole, and perfectly straight hair make the whole thing look strangely cheap.
There are things I liked. Adria Arjona gives the movie a grounded lead, Reginald VelJohnson works for the same reason, and there are cool kills and plenty of blood. Even then, some practical effects become too obvious when the camera slows everything down and lets you watch the squibs fire. I expected Onslaught to be much better, but there is enough here that I would still give it a Streamer. If you already love Grindhouse movies and exaggerated action, you may have a lot more fun with it than I did.
The biggest issue is how repetitive the action starts to feel. The super soldiers look cool, especially with the glowing eyes, but once they start attacking they stop feeling like soldiers. They split up, regroup, stand at the end of the park looking menacing, and then slowly walk toward whoever they are chasing. At some point I realized I was basically watching three Michael Myers instead of three elite military weapons. That could still be entertaining, but the movie repeats the setup enough that I started noticing the mechanics instead of getting caught up in the action.
That same problem carries over to the Grindhouse style. Almost every character, costume choice, performance, musical cue, and violent moment feels turned up to 15. Sometimes that kind of excess is exactly what I want, but here it often felt like the movie was trying so hard to look wild that the fun got buried underneath it. Dan Stevens is a perfect example. I think he plays the character exactly the way the movie wants him to, but the aging makeup kept pulling me out of every scene. The liver spots on his hands are more convincing than his face, while the bald cap, giant mole, and perfectly straight hair make the whole thing look strangely cheap.
There are things I liked. Adria Arjona gives the movie a grounded lead, Reginald VelJohnson works for the same reason, and there are cool kills and plenty of blood. Even then, some practical effects become too obvious when the camera slows everything down and lets you watch the squibs fire. I expected Onslaught to be much better, but there is enough here that I would still give it a Streamer. If you already love Grindhouse movies and exaggerated action, you may have a lot more fun with it than I did.
Amy’s Review
I apparently approved the trailer for Onslaught, even though I did not remember doing it, and I thought I was agreeing to a fun, bloody action movie. That sounded fine. What I was not expecting was to spend so much of a 92 minute movie feeling like I had already watched the same fight.
The action started to feel like Groundhog Day. The super soldiers would show up, everyone would fight, split apart, and then suddenly meet back up again like the Power Rangers getting ready for the next round. They are supposed to be these amazing soldiers, but they mostly just walk toward people. There is not much sneaking or strategy that made me think they were especially good at being soldiers. William called them three Michael Myers, and that is exactly what they felt like.
Then there is everything else the movie keeps throwing in. There are random things that feel like they are there just to be shocking or weird, the characters are turned way up, and the whole thing has this dirty Grindhouse style that I know some people are going to love. I just did not. It did not offend me, it did not disturb me, and it did not scare me. It mostly did nothing, which is probably worse because at least when a movie really bothers me I have something to say.
I also cannot get past what they did to Dan Stevens. His acting is fine, but that makeup looked like somebody went to a Halloween store and grabbed a bald cap for a mad scientist costume. They put liver spots on his hands, but his face looked weirdly smooth, then gave him one giant mole and perfectly straight hair. The synth music made everything feel even cornier, and some bloody effects were so obvious in slow motion that I could see the squibs going off. Adria Arjona was really good, her daughter was adorable, and Reginald VelJohnson felt like an actual person instead of another character turned up to 15. There are some good kills too, but none of it was enough to make me care very much. I was not angry when it ended. I was just done. For me, Onslaught is a Don’t Bother.
The action started to feel like Groundhog Day. The super soldiers would show up, everyone would fight, split apart, and then suddenly meet back up again like the Power Rangers getting ready for the next round. They are supposed to be these amazing soldiers, but they mostly just walk toward people. There is not much sneaking or strategy that made me think they were especially good at being soldiers. William called them three Michael Myers, and that is exactly what they felt like.
Then there is everything else the movie keeps throwing in. There are random things that feel like they are there just to be shocking or weird, the characters are turned way up, and the whole thing has this dirty Grindhouse style that I know some people are going to love. I just did not. It did not offend me, it did not disturb me, and it did not scare me. It mostly did nothing, which is probably worse because at least when a movie really bothers me I have something to say.
I also cannot get past what they did to Dan Stevens. His acting is fine, but that makeup looked like somebody went to a Halloween store and grabbed a bald cap for a mad scientist costume. They put liver spots on his hands, but his face looked weirdly smooth, then gave him one giant mole and perfectly straight hair. The synth music made everything feel even cornier, and some bloody effects were so obvious in slow motion that I could see the squibs going off. Adria Arjona was really good, her daughter was adorable, and Reginald VelJohnson felt like an actual person instead of another character turned up to 15. There are some good kills too, but none of it was enough to make me care very much. I was not angry when it ended. I was just done. For me, Onslaught is a Don’t Bother.